It Has Begun

Today was my last day of work.  Or as my husband puts it, "my last day of work, FOREVER".  Through the generosity of my husband we are finding a way for me to stay home and care for both house and family.  And while I should be elated, honestly, I just feel weird.  Like it hasn't sunk in yet.  I feel like I'll be going back to work next week and the following month and the following year, until the day I die.  It's exhausting thinking about it that way.  I wonder how long it will take for me to forget what it's like to rush off to work and push papers around and type a lot.  How long will it take for me to get into a comfortable groove of caring for house and yard and family?  When will I anticipate the day with joy again as I did when I was a child, rather than dread?  I long for the joy to descend upon me that I always hoped would occur when I finally quit my job.  Rather, I feel adrift right now.  I have plans.  I have lots of plans.  House repair, yard repair, house cleaning, cooking, baking, blogging, visiting with family.  Yet, I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that I am now free to do so.  And I need to get myself in order because the sooner I develop a smooth routine the more I'll be able to bring it to our new family when our baby is born.  I know the first few weeks will be fairly formless with bonding and recovery but I want to be content with what I have, healthy, happy, well rested, and in love with God's bountiful gifts. 

One thing I'd like to say about "well rested".  When I was in the military we were told that when we went on our field training exercise we would be getting less sleep than we were already getting and would be tired all the time.  But I cheated.  As soon as we got in our foxholes, I'd take a nap, relying on my buddy to wake me if a sergeant came by.  I got more rest and relaxation in the field than I ever got in the barracks.  The same can apply to post delivery.  I'll take a nap whenever I can, ignoring dishes and laundry, to rebuild myself.  My mother made nap time mandatory when we were toddlers and children, not so much because we needed the sleep, but because she needed the sleep.  I plan on the same and hopefully I'll fare well and my home will be a wonderful place to be because it will be a relaxing place.